I would rather be known as passive aggressive than fake. I have been accused of being passive aggressive, but I'm not alone. A lot of people throw those words around - I just heard Louie Anderson say it about his mother on NPR! I know nothing about it except that I speak my mind, sometimes it's compliments, sometimes it's not. (I'm aware it's possible I have some other psychological issue because I don't keep many thoughts to myself....hence this blog.)
I would never comment on someone's physical features or mock someone with a disability. But I would tell my friends or acquaintances if they said or wrote something incorrectly or if I felt they were making a mistake with their decision making in some way. And I would be just as likely to tell them that they have a good idea or a nice haircut, they are a very kind, funny or thoughtful person, or a great employee.
The thing is, I say what's on my mind at the time it's on my mind. I won't smile and nod at you for an hour, all the while stewing, then turn around and tell somebody else how horrible you are. If I think you're being horrible, you'll know it before I leave you. I choose my words carefully. I never set out to hurt someone's feelings.
And it works both ways. Tell me when I screw up. I love a back and forth banter! I don't like talking about someone behind their back and I don't want someone talking about me - I always relish the chance to defend myself.
If I think something bad about you, I say it because I WANT to hear your side of the story. The more we talk with each other the smarter we get! I've learned so much by being put in my place by someone who didn't like what I said. Whether all this is #PassiveAggressive, I have no idea, but there is nothing wrong with being truthful with people as long as you allow them to be truthful with you.