#WillFerrell thinks #Alzheimers is a hoot?

Dear Hollywood:

Alzheimer's Disease is not funny.  It's too soon.

Thank you,

Everybody in the world who knows someone with Alzheimer's Disease

According to #NBC Nightly News, Will Ferrell is set to star in a movie about President Reagan in the White House while the President has Alzheimer's Disease.  My guess is that absolutely no one associated with this film was close to anyone with this devastating disease or they would not think it was funny.

I hope these dummies are not confusing how a family might use humor to get through the slow torture of the disease with thinking the person suffering from the disease is funny.

It's not funny when your mom doesn't recognize you or when you have to start giving her a shower while she fights you because she never wants to wash herself. It's not funny when the police call you to tell you your dad is at the police station because, while he was only going three minutes from the house, he got lost and ended up in the next town over.  It's not funny when the smartest most accomplished person  you ever knew can't figure out how to turn on the television.  None of it is funny.

Perhaps ten years from now when there is an instant cure for this disease, we'll all think it's a laugh riot for President Reagan to be portrayed that way, but in the meantime, don't be a bigger asshole than you already are Will Ferrell.

Go to sleep at night counting your blessings

Here is a very teeny tiny fraction of things I am grateful for in no particular order:

I have the ability to use a computer
I have a computer
I wanted to and then got pregnant and gave birth
I have a warm, safe place to sleep every night
I have a mortgage
I have a refrigerator and washing machine
I have never been hungry a day in my life
I can park a mile away from a store entrance and walk to the door
I can see
I have been in love
I have parents who love me
I listen to any and all music I like
I went to school and learned how to read and write
I can record television shows I want to watch then watch them whenever I feel like it

Sometimes I am embarrassed by all of my blessings.   I know there are people who are hungry right now, or not able to go to school, or scared to go out in their neighborhood, or physically or mentally disabled in some way that makes life harder for them than others.

Then there are people who complain that the train is late, their laundry room is so small, they have to lose ten pounds before the summer, they can't afford better clothes, they have to go to their in-laws for dinner tonight, the babysitter is charging a fortune, they have debt after getting their college degree.

Just stop. Stop, take it back a few notches and say Thank You to the universe as often as you can.

EVERYBODY IS ADDICTED TO SOMETHING

In my completely unprofessional opinion,  there are few people in the world without some kind of compulsion. It occurred to me when I was out to dinner with an acquaintance who was spewing angry words about her alcoholic father; saying things like "He made the CHOICE to drink."  Well, while that kind of sounds right, I looked at this broken adult daughter of addiction, carrying at least 50, maybe 70 pounds of extra weight. I blurted out that overweight people CHOOSE to put too much food in their mouth every day, right?

I told her, I think you can't really control an addiction.  If so, she would no doubt weigh 110 pounds instead of 180.  Think of smokers, a clear addiction, that you need patches and gum and white knuckling to get through your days.  Ask a reformed smoker, ten or twenty years out, if they ever crave cigarettes, and you will hear, "Everyday".

So while the Big Three are obvious, there are plenty of other addictions that torture.
Shopping, QVC, Cleaning, Ironing, Running, Going to the Gym, Chewing Nails, Brushing Hair,
most OCD complaints.  The mere diagnosis of OCD means you are addicted to something.

Maybe it's surfing the Internet for hours at a time.  Most certainly it's looking at your iPhone every 11 seconds.  Sex? Porn?  Ignoring your house and family and watching Netflix ten hours a day?

I know I'm missing a boatload of addictions or compulsions people have.  Eating something weird every day?  Twisting your long hair?  Washing your hair five times in a row in the shower?

There is no such thing as normal so remember this:  Some addictions aren't obvious. Some addictions will ruin lives fast - like drugs and alcohol - but other addictions will take longer to show the devastation - years of smoking before the lung cancer diagnosis, or your house going into foreclosure because you ran up too much debt or got fired from your job for surfing the Internet all day long.

MY POINT?  DON'T BE SO JUDGEY.  You know you have something wrong with you too.
#ADDICTION

Either participate or shut up

If you have children in school, go to the monthly Parent Teacher Association meetings or start a PTA if your school doesn't have one.  If you don't go to the meetings, DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SCHOOL.

If you do not vote in national and local elections, DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE POLITICIANS OR REPRESENTATIVES THAT OTHER PEOPLE VOTED FOR.

MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, I BEG YOU

When you are finished your transaction at the supermarket, Target, the bank, wherever,

please collect your change and receipt,

MOVE AWAY FROM THE COUNTER, and

organize your wallet somewhere else so that the person behind you doesn't have to wait for you before conducting their own business.

I am perpetually befuddled by these people, mostly women, who remain at the counter to situate their purse or wallet.  MOVE three feet and let the next person go.  Your time is not more valuable than everybody else's.

Be considerate and move along quickly.

#Californication #Netflix #MyRuination

A day late and a dollar short, maybe, but I'm digging Californication like nobody's business. Which is annoying, right?  Because of stupid Netflix people will start watching shows that aired years ago and they'll want to start discussing and commenting on them, and by 'people' I mean ME. You've probably been there, done that, and are not interested in going into the past to talk television. You would no doubt rather chat up the new shows, or at least those post circa 2014.

So two things are going on here.  One, I'm enjoying a 'new' show, Californication. Two, Netflix et al are probably making it hard for new network shows to get off the ground because dumb-dumbs like me are busy watching shows from ten years ago.  Then in ten years, I will have nothing to watch. Vicious.

As for Californication, I actually REMEMBER when they were advertising this new show ten years ago.  I thought it looked like a show about a creepy porn guy and I wasn't interested and that was that. At a friend's urging last week I decided to give it a chance and pow wow kablam, I'm binge watching. Tens years older, I guess I'm into creepy porn guys.  Well, if all creepy porn guys looked like David Duchovny, then I would in fact be into creepy porn guys.

WEAR A SLIP!

If you are wearing an unlined skirt or dress - no matter how thin or thick the fabric (or the lady) - no matter how short or long - WEAR A SLIP UNDERNEATH.  A slip will smooth out your skirt, it will forbid your skirt from clinging to you or any part of you in an unflattering way.  You will look thinner and polished.

If you weren't lucky enough to have a classy mother and  you are ignorant to what, when, where, why a slip, please get yourself to a local lingerie shop or Macy's.

Don't ask your coworker or goofy roommate if you NEED a slip.  Don't just stand in front of your bedroom mirror, twirl, and nod approvingly at yourself.  Do one of two things: 

1.  Start wearing a slip with any and all dresses and skirts today.  Accept more compliments than you've ever received regarding how good you look.

2.  Spend a week really studying women you see who are wearing dresses and skirts, then decide if you can tell if she's wearing a slip or might look better with one.  Then buy yourself a slip or two.

Yesterday I saw a very heavy woman wearing a long dark-colored maxi dress yesterday with a little capped-sleeve jacket.  I am sure she felt covered up and appropriate.  She was walking in the sunlight up a slight incline and the skirt was clinging to her belly and going in between her thick legs,  A slip would have prevented the clinging belly fabric and would have flowed easily as she walked.  Had she been wearing a slip, you wouldn't be reading about her right now.

I also observed a skinny girl wearing a thin-fabric dress and the dress clung awkwardly around her legs and butt. Very distracting.  A damn shame.  A slip would have made her look PERFECT. 

#UnbreakableKimmySchmidt

HOW can an entire season of a show consist of 13 episodes?!?!?!?  If you (me) can watch an entire season of a television show in one afternoon, well, that, my friend, is NOT a season.  It's a mini-season.  A micro-season.  A smidge of a season.

Some things weren't horrible in 1990.  For example, you could look forward to your favorite show every week from September to June.  Now THAT is a season.

#Netflix, #TinaFey and @KimmySchmidt please do something about this!  I seriously can not wait an ENTIRE YEAR for another tiny nibble.

Do whatever it takes to help children

If you go to your local Skid Row or talk to any drug addict you will most likely find that a screwed up childhood is at the root of the problem.  A child who was ignored, not fed properly, not hugged in a loving way, not encouraged to read and do well in school, or sexually abused will grow up to self medicate.  It will start with drinking and smoking and move right up the ladder to heroin addiction.

These neglected children will grow into adults who might be dangerous and will definitely be a burden on society.  We will pay for their prison stays, welfare, health care, abused children in foster care...to name a few.

Let's encourage and participate in helping our local school districts in any way possible. Encouraging preschool programs, extra staff, health care, extra counselors, after school activities, and food programs, even in the summer, will benefit ALL OF US.  There will be fewer children turning to crime, become teenage mothers and collecting welfare.  Our country will get better and better, with civilized, educated, happy people.

Donate money, volunteer your time, write an e-mail to your local congressman, donate books, call your local school and ASK HOW YOU CAN HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Listen up , kids. There's no such thing as PERFECT

No one, NO ONE, can have a perfect life.  You can perfect moments, as in, "My hair looks great!" or "All my kids are safe and healthy this morning", but that's about it.  MOMENTS OF PERFECT are what you want to strive for.  Even a Perfect Day is unrealistic and that's why you will hear people ask, "What would your perfect day look like?"

I watched a documentary about woman alcoholics.  Everyone interviewed said she started drinking because her life wasn't as perfect as she perceived everyone else's life to be.  Such Facebook bullshit.  Those perfect pictures you see on Facebook are, in fact, MOMENTS.  I promise you, by the time the picture is done real life is happening, with disagreements and money problems and heartbreak.

As of today, lower the bar.  Aim for one perfect moment today.  A warm shower?  A good sandwich?  Not too much traffic on the way home? Employment?  No hospital visits? A bed to sleep in?

I promise you that more good stuff happened today than bad.  No good thing is too small to mention, because if that small thing wasn't there it would probably be a big thing.  Just give a THANK YOU to the universe and be nice to a stranger (who might not have had as many perfect moments as you did in the past week.)

Leaving your baby in a hot car

My guess is these parents who are leaving their babies in hot cars to die are not just doing it in the warm weather.  They are only getting CAUGHT when it's hot.

The news only reports when a baby DIES in the hot car but I have no doubt these same parents and countless others are leaving babies in cars ALL YEAR LONG, but thankfully these babies aren't dying in cold cars.

They say these babies usually die because the parents change their routine, as in, the mother must take the child to day care that day instead of the father who usually does it.  Well I am sure parents change their routine ALL YEAR LONG.  While I don't think parents leave their babies in the car on PURPOSE (most of the time), I think it's time for #NBCNEWS #ABCNEWS and the others to address this problem THOROUGHLY.

READ YOUR APPLIANCE MANUALS!

I've wasted so many years not reading the manual that comes with new appliances. I thought any idiot can turn on or off a dishwasher, washing machine, etc.  Yes, you can most likely use your new appliance without reading the manual but you're missing out on A LOT.

Fear not!  'Reading the manual' probably means reading approximately two pages.  Those manuals are thick because there's a lot of nonsense and Spanish and French in them.  Read the first few pages in your preferred language and you're set. SO WORTH IT!

After three years of complaining about my Bosch dishwasher, I ended up reading the manual and found out:
1.  I need to use my hand to PUSH in the top rack or it won't connect properly to the water supply.  I was just closing the door and figuring it was good enough.
2.  Don't pre-rinse the dishes.  It will CONFUSE the dishwasher who is smart and has a sensor that detects dirt levels and then uses the proper amount of heat and water to do a good job. Just take off big pieces of food but leave it at that.
3.  Use the AUTO setting because that setting is meant to work on myriad dishes - from pretty clean to super filthy - all in one load.
4.  Don't OPEN the dishwasher door to help dry the dishes at the end because the machine is designed to dry the dishes immediately after the wash is finished and opening the door will make it take longer.

My refrigerator:  I was keeping it too cold (by two degrees) and it was freezing the water and ice lines.

My front-loading washing machine:  Keep the doors open to avoid mold and smell.

It'll take you three minutes to read a couple pages and you'll save tons of money and time.

When someone dies

If you know someone who died and that person still has family members, please occasionally reach out to them to let them know you are thinking about the person who died.  Say the person's name. Family members love to hear their deceased loved one's name.  Send a card, call, text or email.  Keep it brief or make it super long.  Just remember to say the person's name.
+Childloss, Bereavement & Grieving the Loss of a Child. .

Don't get married if...

If your parents got divorced, you will most likely get divorced.  If you marry someone whose parents got divorced, your spouse will most likely ask you for a divorce.  I know there are exceptions, but they are... exceptions.