Perform at the Inauguration if you have class

Why are Hollywood people letting this new administration silence them?  No one will perform at the inauguration?   You're not supporting Donald Trump by performing, you're supporting your country. I would get together with all my fellow performers and put on a show no one will ever forget.  Remind everyone (including the new administration) you're still there, strong, proud to demonstrate what an American looks like, and not acting liking a little bitch (Hello, Alec Baldwin).
#Inauguration2017  #DonaldTrump

New Year, New You, No Exercise or Dieting Required!

For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction.  Who knew that Newton's third law was the secret to happiness?  Once you get this in your head, life gets easier.  In other words, for all the good stuff that happens, there is an equal amount of crap to accompany it.  It's just the way it is.  The sooner you accept it, the happier you'll be.

• Your washing machine broke?  You were fortunate enough to have a washing machine in the first place!  

• You walked ten blocks to the laundromat with a giant basket of clothes but you forgot your money? You have the ability to walk!  You have clothes!

• You have a child with a serious illness?  You were able to get pregnant and give birth! 

• Your house blew up?  You had a house!

• Your friend stopped taking your calls and hanging out with you?  You once had a friend. (Not everyone has friends in their life.)

NO ONE HAS A PERFECT LIFE.  You might see pictures on Facebook or sit next to a spiffy coworker, but I PROMISE YOU, those people have problems.  They might not be YOUR problems but there are problems.  They might have an abusive relationship, or depressive thoughts, or wash their hands 5000 times a day, or keep all their toenail clippings in a paper bag in their closet, or have a giant, hideous birthmark on their six-pack abs, or spend their entire paycheck on QVC and live with 20 cats.  Just because the problem in someone else isn't obvious to you, doesn't mean it's not there. So once you accept that no one is perfect or has a perfect life, you can stop comparing yourself to these people.

Remember, there are people living in our world right now who don't have food, clothing, a job, a home, safety.  (But they might have love, appreciation, friendship, a hopeful outlook, a family.)

So here's the big question:  Knowing what you know now, would you change anything?  Would you not buy a washing machine in the first place knowing it might break?  Would you not want the experience of being pregnant and giving birth, knowing you might have a sick child?  Would you not go to college and get your degree because your mother died while you were away?  Would you not want to be born at all because you're super short or fat or tall?

Accept that with anything good, comes some bad.  With bad, comes good.  Yes it does.  Once you turn yourself from a 'Glass half empty' to a 'Glass half full' person, your life will change 180 degrees. The movie White Christmas reminds us, "Go to sleep counting your blessings."  Try it for one week and you will see what I can't put into words.  Happy New Year!

When Christmas is sad

Why can't Christmas always be the happiest, most perfect time of the year?  Why are so many people sad or bummed out around Christmas?  (And I'm NOT talking about those contemplating suicide. I'm talking about you or your neighbor or your coworker, who seems reasonably happy and pleasant, but underneath it all is kind of sad.)  No doubt there is a long list of reasons.  I can think of a few.

If you were lucky enough to have a nice childhood with happy Christmas memories and traditions, you will eventually be sad around Christmas when:

• You grow up
• Your parents, siblings or other people who were part of those happy memories, start dying, moving away, or getting married and go to the new families' celebrations instead of yours
• Your children grow up

Maybe you always used to have certain people at the house for Christmas Eve and Christmas, perhaps a full, bustling dinner table, with loads of delicious food and treats, followed by presents getting unwrapped while listening to certain Christmas albums.  Perhaps your mother baked cookies all December long, and there were stacks of filled cookie tins piled around.  Maybe you had old friends and new just drop in unexpectedly during the month, where you all sat around the living room eating cookies and catching up.

Possibly you had a crappy childhood and started as an adult to make wonderful Christmas memories after you got married and had children.  

But then your mother or father died, or your parents moved into a smaller place, or your kids became teenagers, interested in everything except Christmas.  No more squealing kids waking you up at 5:00a.m. on Christmas morning to see what Santa left.  No more pure joy and excitement throughout the season.

At some point when November rolls around, you start remembering all the sweet Christmas memories and feel they are gone forever and Christmas will never be as sweet.  You still get invited to someone's house for Christmas Eve, or you stay home and have only a few guests, you don't prepare as much food or bake much anymore, you're getting older, time is moving fast, and things are most decidedly not the same.

It's not that you don't have friends or family members or office Christmas parties, it's just that it's not like it used to be, and that makes you sad.  And then January hits and you snap out of it.

Is there anything we can do?  Of course!  

• If you were lucky enough to have even one glorious Christmas memory, please SMILE that it happened, don't be sad because it's in the past.
• Force yourself to be fluid every Christmas so your not clinging too tightly to any one ritual.  
• Invite different people to your house every year or go to a different person's house every year.  
• Go away on a long awaited trip. Spend Christmas in another city or country. 
• Start in early November volunteering at a local soup kitchen, shelter, nursing home, hospital, animal shelter, food pantry or meals-on-wheels program. Get to know the other workers and the recipients. You'll never know where the experience leads you.
• Don't watch the ridiculous Christmas movies on television with perfect-looking people in big houses and quaint towns, with their 'problems' that get satisfactorily resolved by Christmas Eve.  It's not real, so don't even watch.
• Adopt a homeless pet from the SPCA well before Christmas so when Christmas rolls around you won't be missing anything.
• Get a stack of interesting books from the library, have some yummy snacks on hand, and read, read, read until January 2nd.
• Stop in with a small gift to some elderly or single neighbors.
• Forget about your idea of a perfect Christmas and start having nice Christmases.

If you're not volunteering your time in some capacity, you'll never know pure joy.  And remember, you're not alone in these feelings.  Write all your feelings down in a good old fashioned letter and mail it off to someone you knew long ago or to Santa Claus.  Or write thank you letters to area police and fire stations.  Smile at strangers.  Enjoy a gentle season.

Why didn't we get to see the flash mob on Gilmore Girls? But more than that...

I don't know if it was watching six straight hours of Gilmore Girls, or if I've matured and developed better taste, or if these characters have always been so irritating, but A Year in the Life was a Love/Hate fest for sure.  If it weren't for Emily Gilmore, I'm not sure I would even have the Love part. She was likable and funny and honest.  She often made Lorelai look like an idiot - being snappy just for the sake of being snappy.  Lorelai, you're middle aged and almost 50, so lose the angst.

It was occasionally awkward watching these characters.  It seemed like some of these actors were out of practice with the lengthy, all-over-the-place, trying-too-hard-to-be-clever language and couldn't quite pull it off.  Lorelai and Rory made a joke of it in the very first scene, perhaps a warning that we should keep the bar low.

I loved being back in Stars Hollow and at Luke's diner.  The town quirkiness is fun and comforting. This entire series was perfect for Thanksgiving weekend.  You're happy Thanksgiving is coming and then you will see your family and catch up, but after a while you're just as happy to see them go. Then, when they actually go, you wish they were back again (because you know they aren't coming back again any time soon.)

But you know Thanksgiving is coming again next year, and just like the new ending of this series, you think Oh Crap.

#GilmoreGirls  #GilmoreGirlsYearintheLife  #GilmoreGirlsRevival #Thanksgiving

I don't care if not voting is a vote for Donald Trump

Hillary Clinton is so power-hungry that she turned her head to her husband's serial cheating. If she had any morals at all, any sense of decency or self respect, she would have kicked him to the curb after the highly-publicized Monica Lewinsky incident.

Hillary is not a role model for girls.  She's the opposite of a role model with her own documented lying and questionable decision making resulting in people losing their lives.  Anyone who raises a daughter to think that Hillary Clinton's actions should be admired and emulated is a horrible parent.

So Chelsea Clinton was raised to look the other way at a husband's infidelities?  Nice, Hillary. Nice.

What a embarrassment to the United States of America that there is not one decent person qualified to be president.
#HillaryClintonIsAwful #NoOneToVoteFor #ChelseaClinton #AmericaShouldBeAshamed

Go to bed angry!

If I'm arguing with you at 9:00PM it's because I'm exhausted and cranky. The worst thing I could do is stay up even later and keep arguing until I've managed to viciously insult your grandmother and choice of career, and made a complete list of your character flaws.  Go to bed angry.  Sleep.  At least for me, when I wake up refreshed in the morning, it will be very likely I've already forgotten why we started fighting in the first place.  Even if it can't be forgotten, I'll have a clear head to rationally discuss any and all disagreements.  Fight rested.
#GoToBedAngry  #FightRested

Angelina Jolie

It took longer than I thought - but - if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.
That's what you get, Angelina.
#AngelinaJolie  #BradPitt #JenniferAniston #Divorce #Cheating

I demand no more cutesy food fights in the movies

Does anybody think it's adorable to watch a food fight in a movie or on television?  Me neither. But I can tell you that those people - who laugh and laugh while watching two movie characters giddily throwing flour and sugar at each other - are not the people who ever clean a kitchen.  Or anything else for that matter.

#foodfightsarestupid

Who killed Jon Benet Ramsey etc?

I truly hope when we die we find out stuff - like the meaning of life and who killed Jon Benet Ramsey.  Those two unanswered questions drive me batty.
#JonBenetRamsey
#MeaningofLife

An idea for all the women in the entire world....

If you don't want to get beaten, don't go to Chris Brown's house.  Write that down!

#ChrisBrown

Tiny House Cluelessness

Can someone please provide to the TINY HOUSE people the definition of 'tiny'?  During their house hunting they consistently complain about how small everything is.  They in turn become the definition of Stupid American.

#TinyHouse

Summer of 69 - Apostrophe or not, this show was missing something

Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman's Summer of 69 show was a bust.  They are funny, likable people who maybe aren't cut out for a comedy road show.   They sang a few made-up little ditties about sexual stuff, voiced their political views and predictably brought up a couple from the audience for a unfunny routine.  Half the time, I couldn't understand what Nick was saying due to his mumbling. And the other half, they were trying to prove that Nick isn't gay.  (Nobody cares if you're gay, Nick. If your wife doesn't care, neither should we.)

When I saw the promo picture of them in their black-tie attire I figured it was more like a cabaret act, but really, it was more like a schlumpy college tour, and they should have charged accordingly.  Now, if they added a bit in the show with Karen Walker and Ron Swanson on a date......

#Summerof69
#MeganMullally
#NickOfferman
#KarenWalker
#RonSwanson

How do you know if he is THE ONE?

If you have to ASK, he is not the one.

"People like that should just stay home"

My very favorite line from a super old Saturday Night Live show and really nothing to do with today's observation but a great line nonetheless.  When I watch House Hunters on HGTV, so many times I think, those two should not be married or those two better not get married or those two are so getting a divorce.

(I just finished a House Hunters International show with a couple getting a place in the Netherlands and the guy was a real tool and I just KNOW they'll be divorced within five years.)

I know, I know, I need to stop watching that show with it's repetitive "We want hardwood floors." and "I want to see the kids while I'm cooking in the kitchen."  You WILL see the kids while you're cooking in the kitchen - every other Wednesday and every other weekend - after your DIVORCE.

#HGTV  #HouseHunters #SNL

Great British Baking Show is YUMMY

I am addicted to watching PBS's The Great British Baking Show (or Great British Bake Off as it's known in the UK).  It makes me want to bake (kind of) but mostly it sends me to our local bakery more often than I ever went before.

I don't know if all British reality shows are all like this, but this is one super nice, super helpful, super delightful cutthroat competition.  So relaxing to watch.  I feel bad for saying this but the first season contestants had the gnarliest, most-cliched English teeth I ever saw - quite distracting.  As the seasons went on they picked less dentally-challenged bakers so it's much more pleasant to watch.

The judges, Paul Hollywood (yes, his real name) and Mary Berry, are lovely and sweet - even when they're trying to be tough.  Comical to a goofy American like me!

Even if watching this kind of thing is not your cup of tea (pun most certainly intended), go support your local bakery (not the one in the giant supermarket) once in a while - you won't regret it.

#PBS #GBBO #GBBS #GBBakeOff #GBBakingShow #PaulHollywood #MaryBerry

ATTENTION CELEBRITIES: No one cares about your crap

These Hollywood and reality star people need to be reminded that VERY FEW people in the country and the world care about their personal issues. The Today Show or Good Morning America will 'report' that so-and-so wants to set the record straight about all the rumors that are going around - and 9 out of 10 times it's the first I'm hearing of it.  I even make a point of asking many other people I know - people of all ages - if they know about this big rumor and they rarely do.

These celebrities live in such a bubble that they've convinced themselves that everybody is sitting around talking about them, when it's really just the people they employ who are talking about it.

SO, if you are a celebrity and someone is telling you that you need to address all the rumors that are swirling around the country - NOBODY BUT YOU AND YOUR STYLIST KNOW OR CARE ABOUT IT.  Write that down and pass it on to your celebrity friends.

#Celebrities #TodayShow #GMA #ET #NobodyCares

Nursing Homes Are Depressing PERIOD

There's a commercial on television about how people with dementia in nursing homes still have so much to live for, etc.  BOLLOCKS.  For those of us who have routinely visited a nursing home, we know that it is sad and depressing and it is the last place you want to visit.  You might love that person and want to visit them - but no doubt you'd rather go to 1994 to do it.

The person you know, who now is unable to care for herself, unable to live in her own home, unable to think like she used to, is not happy to be alive in this way.  I see a room full of people sitting around, playing lame games and activities, waiting for someone to visit them, and of course, waiting to die. Then, if someone actually does show up to visit, the loved one complains about how horrible it is to be there, or asks when they are going 'home', or just talks about the same few things they always talk about, like the weather.

You start thinking, Would I rather see my loved one dead or living like this?   Not as easy a question as you might think.

I'm glad we have nursing homes to care for those of us who are no longer able to live alone.  Only rich people can bring in a full-time caretaker in their home.  Not every daughter or son has what it takes to help a parent on the toilet or in the shower.  And this can happen to anyone from a 50-year-old who has a devastating stroke to a 95-year-old grandfather.

What's my point?  I have no point!  This is merely venting about something that's horrible and that no one can make pretty no matter what.

#NursingHome #GettingOld #caretaker

Another Idiotic Move by Donald Trump

Doesn't Trump have someone who works for him who could tell him NOT to pick a fight with parents whose child has died?  Trump had the perfect opportunity to simply say he would want all incoming Muslim, Middle Eastern, etc. refugees to be vetted properly so that we only bring in those willing to defend the United States.  Or he could have been snarky and said, Yes, it's wonderful that your son died defending this country, but thousands more have died at the hands of Muslim extremists.

I HATE THIS ELECTION.

#Trump2016 #HillaryClinton #Election2016 #NoOneToVoteFor

Hillary Clinton - most boring speech ever

Hillary Clinton's speech at the DNC was a great disappointment with the same old rhetoric "We can do it together!" and predictable insults toward Donald Trump.  I wanted Hillary to blow me away.  I wanted her to be above insulting Trump and just tell me all the great things she has planned.  I wanted her to show me how she is going to be a much better president than Barack Obama. She showed me nothing.  It was all the same crap Obama said eight years ago "Yes, we can!".  A vote for Hillary is a vote for Obama.  Ugh.

I must admit, I actually LIKED Donald Trump's speech, so I was sure Hillary was going to up her game and wow everyone in order to top him.  So I can't believe I'm saying this, but I might NOT VOTE for anyone this election.

We live in this beautiful country full of super smart people and THIS is the best we can do?  Liars and cheaters and preachers? Fingers crossed something wonderful happens in the next few months to bring us a great new president.

#DonaldTrump #HillaryClinton #Election2016 #DNC #HillarySpeech

WHO SHOULD I VOTE FOR?

Last night President Barack Obama said Hillary was better qualified to be president than he ever was. I am quite sure he said the opposite of that in 2008, so that makes #Obama a LIAR.  Hillary is a documented LIAR by the FBI.  And I have no doubt #Trump has told a lie or two in his day.  So self-serving, egotistical politicians are all liars; the playing field is even.  Now, how do we pick the next president?

I'm worried about crime, like the record-breaking number of murders in Chicago this year, and Hillary would never speak out against those murderers, so they're going to keep on murdering with Hillary's blessing.  I know Trump wants to do something about the high crime rate in certain cities, but I worry that he's getting in over his head in other areas of government he doesn't understand.  But I actually LIKE that he's not a career politician - Obama was a lousy president, so maybe things could actually get better if the economy got working again, like Trump claims?  But Hillary probably knows it's all bullshit and nothing, absolutely nothing, ever really changes.

The only reason Hillary got those Hollywood ladies to speak on her behalf is because she's a woman - or at least as close to a woman as we'll see in this position.  Hillary Clinton is just as unlikable as Donald Trump.  I've never NOT voted and I've never 'wasted' a vote on some obscure candidate who has no chance of winning.

I'm going to cross my fingers that one of these dumb-dumbs trips up big time before the election and I'll have a clear cut candidate to nominate (by default).  This sucks.

#Hillary2016 +Hillary Clinton #Trump2016 #Obama #Vote

Don versus Dawn

Why do people think that the names 'Don' and 'Dawn' sound alike?  Where in the country do you live that you have trouble pronouncing 'Ron' or 'Fawn', or 'Con' or 'Yawn'?
#DonDawn

STRANGER THINGS on Netflix

I wanted to not like this show because I don't need to add any more shows to my watchlist.  I thought I would hate it because it would be too weird and too much like #XFiles.  I ended up loving it and I can't even put my finger on why.

Crazy story that moved at a nice fast clip.  Good actors, likable-enough characters, set in 1983 (yay!).
I couldn't stop watching, needing to see what would happen next, and before I knew it, I was done the entire season.  Looking forward to next year..

#Netlix #StrangerThings

Central Air Conditioner MUST DO

I have no doubt that I am the last person on earth to learn this; however, I feel compelled to share anyway. My air conditioner repairman told me:

1. Use the cheap filters, not the expensive three-month fancy allergen filters.  The air moves more freely through the cheap ones. Change it monthly IF you have animals in the house.

2.  Hose off the outside condenser.  It gets dirty out there with dirt, grass, pollen, etc. and if the little vents get too clogged with dirt you'll get a slow-down in the cooling and eventually things will freeze up and you'll have no cool air in the house.  Just get a garden hose and squirt down all the sides of the condenser - you'll see the dirt pouring out, especially if the condenser is outside the house, on the lawn, where the grass clipping, etc. go flying by all the time.

It's FLAG DAY!

What has happened to this country?!  PUT A UNITED STATES FLAG OUTSIDE on #FlagDay!
Show some pride or move to another country - you won't be missed.

Here Comes My Baby, Here She Comes Now - Best Song from 1967!

Here Comes My Baby by the Tremeloes 1967

Even if you don't like 60s music, you've got to like this one.  You must!

Don't Ask, Just Do

If someone is sick, bring some soup.  Don't ask if they want soup so that the sick person has to say, "Yes, bring me soup." Just do it.

If it's someone's birthday, just buy a gift or birthday cake if you're willing to do it.  Don't ask if they want a gift or a birthday cake, so that the person has to say, "Yes, buy me a cake."

Don't make people ASK YOU FOR A FAVOR.  If you were already inclined to help someone out, just do it, without putting the burden on the recipient.

If you really didn't want to help out that person, and you just asked them to show how nice you are, knowing full well they would say no, don't be a jerk.

We need to stop killing innocent zoo animals

Yet another innocent zoo animal was killed because of the carelessness and stupidity of human beings. The Cincinnati Zoo killed a beautiful, innocent gorilla after negligent parents allowed their 3-year-old child to find his way into the gorilla's habitat.

If you are not capable of supervising your child at the zoo, stay home.

If a zoo is not capable of properly protecting an animal it took from the wild, leave the animal in the wild.

Sign the petition on Change.org so this never happens again

Justice for Harambe

#JusticeforHarambe  #Harambe #CincinnatiZoo

Selfish People Can Donate Blood Too!

Do you want to:

• Burn 650 calories while lying down?
• Lower your risk of cancer?
• Lower your risk of stroke?
• Lower your risk of heart attack?
• Have better liver function?
• Get rid of excess iron in the blood?
• Stimulate the production of new blood cells to promote general good health?
• Possibly live longer?
• Get a free mini physical?

Oh yeah!  Sign me up!  

Let those other nerds donate blood to be heroes and help save the lives of up to three people;

I'll just take the things off the above list, thank you very much.

#redcross #donate blood

Get Braces!

Even if you are far from being a teenager, if your teeth are not straight, get braces!  There is nothing more unsightly than talking to someone - no matter how attractive or well dressed - who has crooked teeth. It's 100% worth the investment. You will get better jobs and better love interests!

First, you will NOT be the only adult getting braces.  So many people stopped wearing their retainers years ago and their teeth moved all over the place and now they look like they never had braces. Next. there are quite a few medical benefits to having straight teeth that your dentist will be happy to list for you.

Start paying attention to people around you.  Crooked teeth are distracting and ugly.  No one else will tell you, but I am telling you now.  Get braces!
#Braces #Dentist

I Agree with Justin Bieber

#JustinBieber said he feels awards shows are shallow and that he doesn't feel good when they are over.  He couldn't be more right.  Music and acting award shows are the most frivolous, pat-yourself-on-the-back-for-getting-paid-way-too-much, waste of television air space events.

Think about hardworking, underpaid maintenance workers, teachers, police officers, construction workers and nurses, to name a few.  People who work day after day without other people to style them, feed them, clean up after them or drive them around.  No one is handing over designer clothing and jewelry for them to wear to a show set up exclusively to shower them with even more praise and adoration than they already get on a daily basis.  They should be ashamed of themselves.

You should become an entertainer because you have a fire in your belly to perform, regardless of money or fame.  Keep your personal opinions to yourself.  Do an interview or go on social media to promote your newest performance and NOTHING ELSE.

#Billboard #Oscars #Emmys are despicable displays of conceit, vanity and self-aggrandizement.

P.S.  I support the hardworking, low paid #Tonys folks being honored.  That's real work!

It's all good

Whether you're an atheist or whatever the opposite of an atheist is or somewhere in between, you're exactly where you're supposed to be (whether you believe it or not).  Just be a good person and don't harm others and you'll be okay.

BOMB SCARE BALONEY

Everyone must stop overreacting every time some idiot calls in a bomb threat.  If someone wants to kill people with a bomb, they will just do it; they will not give everyone a heads up.

How many times has a threat been called in and there was an actual bomb detonated?

The measure of a man

Years ago a man would be measured by how good a husband and father he was, and that was pretty simple.  Did he go to work every day to support his family and come home every night to sleep in his bed?  Excellent man.  It wasn't important what happened in between the going to work and going to bed; it was only important that he didn't abandon or embarrass his family.

But it's different now.  Today so many children don't have parents who are married, or living together, and women are independent and send their children to day care, men don't get married or have children.  How do we figure out if a man is a good or not?

Binge watching makes me sad

I'm nearing the end of my month-long #Californication binge watch.  I'm kind of attached to this show and the idiots on it.  I'm going to miss these characters and so I'm slowing down on the last few episodes. Pathetic, I know.  How am I so attached to Hank Moody?  I want to search every dive bar until I find him then hop on the bar stool next him and drink whiskey, in a dirty glass.  Ah, a girl can dream.

HAPPY HOUR FOREVER!

The annoying Today Show did a segment on how Happy Hour is becoming a thing of the past because people are drinking at home.  Drinking at home seems way more unhappy than happy hour, especially if you're alone.

Happy Hour is hanging out with people you like and possibly meeting new people, getting half-priced drinks and appetizers, all served to you by a cute bartender, and all this before 8:00PM! That makes me way happy.

If you're having people over at home for drinks, well, that involves
1. going to the store to buy snacks and alcohol
2. dusting and/or vacuuming the living room and Clorox wiping the bathroom.
3. cleaning up
That's not happy at all.

GO TO HAPPY HOUR!  You'll be glad you did.

P.S.  Drink responsibly!

Stop ending your statements with 'so' and 'you know'

Make a statement. Period.  Say, "I like chocolate."
Don't say "I like chocolate so."  "I like chocolate, you know?"
So what?  No, I DON'T know!  Just stop.

What exactly is Lyme Disease?

My mother had #LymeDisease years ago,  She had the classic bulls-eye on her skin, went to the doctor, got antibiotics of some sort, and that was that.  But lately I'm seeing television people stating they have Lyme Disease and how debilitating it is and how they can't get out of bed or do anything at all.

We can't allow dippy Real Housewives, or other people just trying to sell books, to represent Lyme Disease.  I'd like to see some legitimate news sources do a thorough report on Lyme Disease.  I want to hear a medical doctor very specifically discussing the diagnosing process. I know the television ladies don't want to get out of bed or put on makeup, but that sounds like depression to me.  Give everybody real medical facts!

I beg +TODAY , +ABC News , +CBS This Morning  to do a comprehensive segment on Lyme Disease.  I fear Lyme Disease will turn into the ubiquitous ADHD and OCD, where it seems like everybody has it (self diagnosed, of course.)  If this is a serious, legitimate disease, I don't want to surf the Internet for my information. Television news shows, forget about Donald Trump for a day, and educate us.

BE A GOOD HOST OR NOT ONE AT ALL

If you are going to invite people to your house

HAVE MORE FOOD AND DRINK THERE THAN YOU THINK YOU NEED.

Some people are just better hosts than others.  I always buy way too much food and drinks when we have company.  People always comment about how much food we have.  I'm pleased with myself that no one who walks in the door stays hungry for long.

We've been invited to a certain relative's house throughout the years, and many times, not all, but most, they have limited amounts of food, or strange things, like plenty of raw vegetables and cake but no 'real food' for an actual lunch or dinner as the case may be.  At a graduation party a few years ago they bragged about hiring a caterer who walked around serving hor d'oeuvres.  Lovely.  But THAT WAS ALL THEY SERVED.  It was straight up lunchtime, there were a bunch of children there, and if you weren't able to grab five spinach cakes at a time then you were screwed until the next server came around 15 minutes later.  It was mind-boggling. Who invites people to a GRADUATION PARTY at their house with a swimming pool, tells you to bring your kids, and serves tiny bites of food on a tray?  We had to leave that party and stop to eat.

Be specific when you invite people over.  If you will only serve chips and dip, let your guests know before they get there that you're just serving light snacks.  DO NOT invite people over during a normal lunch or dinner time and not serve a proper meal.

We were recently invited to a restaurant celebration dinner with the aforementioned people.  I talked my family into accepting the invitation because HOW COULD THEY MESS UP A RESTAURANT DINNER?

Well. these folks are just horrible hosts no matter what.  We got to the restaurant exactly on time and everyone (a party of 13) is standing around waiting for other people to finish their dinner so the restaurant staff can clean the area, move tables together and set the table.  We received an INVITATION FOR DINNER AT 5:00, we went out of our way to show up on time expecting the beginning of the dinner party, but we stood waiting with no food or drink until nearly 6:00 to be seated.

ASK FOR HELP if you want to host a great party but you're not good at it.  Whatever you do, have plenty of food and drinks (preferably booze), available exactly when your guests arrive and you'll ALWAYS have a great party!

DOGFIGHT

#Dogfight is such an underrated movie from 1991, set in 1963 after JFK is murdered, and stars the talented and adorable River Phoenix and Lili Taylor.

The title comes from the premise of the movie -  marines have a party and whoever brings the ugliest girl wins some cash.  Hateful, of course, but the movie is so much more than this ridiculousness, with the Vietnam War and other layers of interesting throughout.  It's funny, stupid, thought-provoking and sweet. Watch it if you ever get a chance!

Reverie Revelry Reveille

For some unknown reason these words are spinning in my head and I need to get them down on paper for clarity. They don't come smoothly out of my mouth. No doubt I will torture those I love by using these somewhat obscure words frequently and inexplicably the next few days.

Reverie - a state of dreamy meditation - "I'm lost in reverie."

Revelry - boisterous festivity - "Their revelry could be heard across the river."

Reveille - a signal to arise, commonly by an army bugle-  "He went to sleep early so he'd be ready for reveille."

Biggest Loser was never realistic, so no surprise there

I watched the +The Biggest Loser the first season it was on and knew that not one of those contestants would keep their weight off after they resumed their real lives.  Any idiot can lose weight by exercising eight hours a day and eating specially prepared food that you didn't have to cook yourself.

Nobody WANTS to eat box of donuts or fried chicken.  They would rather NOT WANT to eat those things but whatever forces are lurking inside won't let them.

So since people who have to lose 100 plus pounds have BIGGER issues than not realizing they should exercise every day or should only eat one bagel instead of three, it's the exact same thing as being an alcoholic or smoking cigarettes.  Until the reason they overeat is uncovered and acknowledged, nothing will ever permanently change.

New York Times Biggest Loser article

"I just like food!"  No, sorry.  People who LIKE FOOD, savor and enjoy it.  They shop for and prepare quality meals.  They are thrilled to get a tiny plate of carefully and expertly prepared food instead of going to an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Look at super-rich Oprah Winfrey selling +Weight Watchers.  How many times does this accomplished lady have to lose weight, gain weight, lose weight, gain weight.... she has access to personal chefs and trainers, the best gym equipment.  If SHE can't permanently lose weight, NO ONE can.  And Weight Watchers is a very smart and sensible program, but people still 'quit' and go back year after year after year.

Sadly, the majority of overweight people end up staying overweight their entire lives, despite spending years tormenting themselves, like a permanent birthmark.

Target, the love affair is over

I loved +Target because I knew I was getting a fair price.  I didn't need bonus cards or coupons or anything else.  I could pop in on a whim and not fret because I left my stack of coupons (a la +Bed Bath & Beyond)  on my kitchen counter.

Now, thanks to +Cartwheel By Target , I'm getting cheated if I don't take the time to sign in on my iPhone as soon as I get in the store and take double the amount of time I would have been able to get my shopping done, because now I have to scan everything and add it to the wallet or what not. I hate you for ruining it.

Target, you are no better than those criminals at +Macy's and +Kohl's and +Rite Aid who mark up every price so high because they want you to use their five million coupons or 'Kohl Kash'.

But I guess I get it.  American people are stupid and love their coupons because they feel they're getting a bargain.  STUPID.  Poor +JCPenney tried just to have low prices a few years back and nobody came anymore (except me, the only American who feels coupons are a scam.)

Thank goodness for +Amazon.com!

P.S.  As for +Walmart, I'm just not ready to commit yet.  The one in my neighborhood has a questionable clientele that makes me feel a brawl is only minutes away.

STARBUCKS IS CHEATING US? A LAWSUIT NOW?

+Starbucks Coffee has been cheating us for over 20 years!  This new lawsuit won't change a thing.

What WILL make a change?  If you all STOP waiting 20-deep in line to pay enormous amounts for mediocre coffee and iced drinks.  Make your coffee at home or patronize a smaller shop.  Don't spend your money on supporting this conglomerate.

LISTEN UP SINGLE LADIES!

MEN ARE NEVER NEVER NEVER TOO BUSY TO CALL OR TEXT A WOMAN THEY REALLY LIKE.

DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR A MAN WHO ISN'T CONTACTING YOU AND ASKING YOU TO GO OUT ON DATES IN PUBLIC.

So when you've met someone and you really like him but he only texts here and there and tells you he's busy but he wants to get together sometime, ERASE HIS NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE (or better yet, change his name to DO NOT ANSWER.)

Years ago it was called, "Playing hard to get."  Men wanted women they couldn't easily have. Then women said "No more games.  I will call him.  I will ask him out."  Well, I'm afraid to tell you that we ALL like people who not overly available or smothering.  We like a little challenge. AND WE NEED IT.  And I'll tell you why:

We weed out the bad ones when we are not at someone's beck and call. When a man has to take extra steps and he doesn't, that means he's just not that into you. 

So even if he is super cute and smart and fun, if he doesn't like you enough to PURSUE you, forget about him immediately.  Immediately.  It will be hard, of course, but it will be a THOUSAND TIMES EASIER than if you've been stringing yourself along for six months or god forbid six years.  Because when he meets a woman he IS into, you won't hear from him again.

Have some pride.  Have a nice busy life with work, friends, family and social activities.  If you're serious about wanting a boyfriend, he will come to you, I promise.  Don't waste your time on the too-busy-to-go-out-on-a-Saturday-night-men.  Whatever you do, please don't be that pathetic woman telling her friends that he's SO BUSY so you haven't been able to get together.  NO ONE IS THAT BUSY.

#WillFerrell thinks #Alzheimers is a hoot?

Dear Hollywood:

Alzheimer's Disease is not funny.  It's too soon.

Thank you,

Everybody in the world who knows someone with Alzheimer's Disease

According to #NBC Nightly News, Will Ferrell is set to star in a movie about President Reagan in the White House while the President has Alzheimer's Disease.  My guess is that absolutely no one associated with this film was close to anyone with this devastating disease or they would not think it was funny.

I hope these dummies are not confusing how a family might use humor to get through the slow torture of the disease with thinking the person suffering from the disease is funny.

It's not funny when your mom doesn't recognize you or when you have to start giving her a shower while she fights you because she never wants to wash herself. It's not funny when the police call you to tell you your dad is at the police station because, while he was only going three minutes from the house, he got lost and ended up in the next town over.  It's not funny when the smartest most accomplished person  you ever knew can't figure out how to turn on the television.  None of it is funny.

Perhaps ten years from now when there is an instant cure for this disease, we'll all think it's a laugh riot for President Reagan to be portrayed that way, but in the meantime, don't be a bigger asshole than you already are Will Ferrell.

Go to sleep at night counting your blessings

Here is a very teeny tiny fraction of things I am grateful for in no particular order:

I have the ability to use a computer
I have a computer
I wanted to and then got pregnant and gave birth
I have a warm, safe place to sleep every night
I have a mortgage
I have a refrigerator and washing machine
I have never been hungry a day in my life
I can park a mile away from a store entrance and walk to the door
I can see
I have been in love
I have parents who love me
I listen to any and all music I like
I went to school and learned how to read and write
I can record television shows I want to watch then watch them whenever I feel like it

Sometimes I am embarrassed by all of my blessings.   I know there are people who are hungry right now, or not able to go to school, or scared to go out in their neighborhood, or physically or mentally disabled in some way that makes life harder for them than others.

Then there are people who complain that the train is late, their laundry room is so small, they have to lose ten pounds before the summer, they can't afford better clothes, they have to go to their in-laws for dinner tonight, the babysitter is charging a fortune, they have debt after getting their college degree.

Just stop. Stop, take it back a few notches and say Thank You to the universe as often as you can.

EVERYBODY IS ADDICTED TO SOMETHING

In my completely unprofessional opinion,  there are few people in the world without some kind of compulsion. It occurred to me when I was out to dinner with an acquaintance who was spewing angry words about her alcoholic father; saying things like "He made the CHOICE to drink."  Well, while that kind of sounds right, I looked at this broken adult daughter of addiction, carrying at least 50, maybe 70 pounds of extra weight. I blurted out that overweight people CHOOSE to put too much food in their mouth every day, right?

I told her, I think you can't really control an addiction.  If so, she would no doubt weigh 110 pounds instead of 180.  Think of smokers, a clear addiction, that you need patches and gum and white knuckling to get through your days.  Ask a reformed smoker, ten or twenty years out, if they ever crave cigarettes, and you will hear, "Everyday".

So while the Big Three are obvious, there are plenty of other addictions that torture.
Shopping, QVC, Cleaning, Ironing, Running, Going to the Gym, Chewing Nails, Brushing Hair,
most OCD complaints.  The mere diagnosis of OCD means you are addicted to something.

Maybe it's surfing the Internet for hours at a time.  Most certainly it's looking at your iPhone every 11 seconds.  Sex? Porn?  Ignoring your house and family and watching Netflix ten hours a day?

I know I'm missing a boatload of addictions or compulsions people have.  Eating something weird every day?  Twisting your long hair?  Washing your hair five times in a row in the shower?

There is no such thing as normal so remember this:  Some addictions aren't obvious. Some addictions will ruin lives fast - like drugs and alcohol - but other addictions will take longer to show the devastation - years of smoking before the lung cancer diagnosis, or your house going into foreclosure because you ran up too much debt or got fired from your job for surfing the Internet all day long.

MY POINT?  DON'T BE SO JUDGEY.  You know you have something wrong with you too.
#ADDICTION

Either participate or shut up

If you have children in school, go to the monthly Parent Teacher Association meetings or start a PTA if your school doesn't have one.  If you don't go to the meetings, DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SCHOOL.

If you do not vote in national and local elections, DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE POLITICIANS OR REPRESENTATIVES THAT OTHER PEOPLE VOTED FOR.

MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, I BEG YOU

When you are finished your transaction at the supermarket, Target, the bank, wherever,

please collect your change and receipt,

MOVE AWAY FROM THE COUNTER, and

organize your wallet somewhere else so that the person behind you doesn't have to wait for you before conducting their own business.

I am perpetually befuddled by these people, mostly women, who remain at the counter to situate their purse or wallet.  MOVE three feet and let the next person go.  Your time is not more valuable than everybody else's.

Be considerate and move along quickly.

#Californication #Netflix #MyRuination

A day late and a dollar short, maybe, but I'm digging Californication like nobody's business. Which is annoying, right?  Because of stupid Netflix people will start watching shows that aired years ago and they'll want to start discussing and commenting on them, and by 'people' I mean ME. You've probably been there, done that, and are not interested in going into the past to talk television. You would no doubt rather chat up the new shows, or at least those post circa 2014.

So two things are going on here.  One, I'm enjoying a 'new' show, Californication. Two, Netflix et al are probably making it hard for new network shows to get off the ground because dumb-dumbs like me are busy watching shows from ten years ago.  Then in ten years, I will have nothing to watch. Vicious.

As for Californication, I actually REMEMBER when they were advertising this new show ten years ago.  I thought it looked like a show about a creepy porn guy and I wasn't interested and that was that. At a friend's urging last week I decided to give it a chance and pow wow kablam, I'm binge watching. Tens years older, I guess I'm into creepy porn guys.  Well, if all creepy porn guys looked like David Duchovny, then I would in fact be into creepy porn guys.

WEAR A SLIP!

If you are wearing an unlined skirt or dress - no matter how thin or thick the fabric (or the lady) - no matter how short or long - WEAR A SLIP UNDERNEATH.  A slip will smooth out your skirt, it will forbid your skirt from clinging to you or any part of you in an unflattering way.  You will look thinner and polished.

If you weren't lucky enough to have a classy mother and  you are ignorant to what, when, where, why a slip, please get yourself to a local lingerie shop or Macy's.

Don't ask your coworker or goofy roommate if you NEED a slip.  Don't just stand in front of your bedroom mirror, twirl, and nod approvingly at yourself.  Do one of two things: 

1.  Start wearing a slip with any and all dresses and skirts today.  Accept more compliments than you've ever received regarding how good you look.

2.  Spend a week really studying women you see who are wearing dresses and skirts, then decide if you can tell if she's wearing a slip or might look better with one.  Then buy yourself a slip or two.

Yesterday I saw a very heavy woman wearing a long dark-colored maxi dress yesterday with a little capped-sleeve jacket.  I am sure she felt covered up and appropriate.  She was walking in the sunlight up a slight incline and the skirt was clinging to her belly and going in between her thick legs,  A slip would have prevented the clinging belly fabric and would have flowed easily as she walked.  Had she been wearing a slip, you wouldn't be reading about her right now.

I also observed a skinny girl wearing a thin-fabric dress and the dress clung awkwardly around her legs and butt. Very distracting.  A damn shame.  A slip would have made her look PERFECT. 

#UnbreakableKimmySchmidt

HOW can an entire season of a show consist of 13 episodes?!?!?!?  If you (me) can watch an entire season of a television show in one afternoon, well, that, my friend, is NOT a season.  It's a mini-season.  A micro-season.  A smidge of a season.

Some things weren't horrible in 1990.  For example, you could look forward to your favorite show every week from September to June.  Now THAT is a season.

#Netflix, #TinaFey and @KimmySchmidt please do something about this!  I seriously can not wait an ENTIRE YEAR for another tiny nibble.

Do whatever it takes to help children

If you go to your local Skid Row or talk to any drug addict you will most likely find that a screwed up childhood is at the root of the problem.  A child who was ignored, not fed properly, not hugged in a loving way, not encouraged to read and do well in school, or sexually abused will grow up to self medicate.  It will start with drinking and smoking and move right up the ladder to heroin addiction.

These neglected children will grow into adults who might be dangerous and will definitely be a burden on society.  We will pay for their prison stays, welfare, health care, abused children in foster care...to name a few.

Let's encourage and participate in helping our local school districts in any way possible. Encouraging preschool programs, extra staff, health care, extra counselors, after school activities, and food programs, even in the summer, will benefit ALL OF US.  There will be fewer children turning to crime, become teenage mothers and collecting welfare.  Our country will get better and better, with civilized, educated, happy people.

Donate money, volunteer your time, write an e-mail to your local congressman, donate books, call your local school and ASK HOW YOU CAN HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Listen up , kids. There's no such thing as PERFECT

No one, NO ONE, can have a perfect life.  You can perfect moments, as in, "My hair looks great!" or "All my kids are safe and healthy this morning", but that's about it.  MOMENTS OF PERFECT are what you want to strive for.  Even a Perfect Day is unrealistic and that's why you will hear people ask, "What would your perfect day look like?"

I watched a documentary about woman alcoholics.  Everyone interviewed said she started drinking because her life wasn't as perfect as she perceived everyone else's life to be.  Such Facebook bullshit.  Those perfect pictures you see on Facebook are, in fact, MOMENTS.  I promise you, by the time the picture is done real life is happening, with disagreements and money problems and heartbreak.

As of today, lower the bar.  Aim for one perfect moment today.  A warm shower?  A good sandwich?  Not too much traffic on the way home? Employment?  No hospital visits? A bed to sleep in?

I promise you that more good stuff happened today than bad.  No good thing is too small to mention, because if that small thing wasn't there it would probably be a big thing.  Just give a THANK YOU to the universe and be nice to a stranger (who might not have had as many perfect moments as you did in the past week.)